revise paper 6


Note: Before tackling this week’s written assignment, make sure you have participated in the discussion forum.

  1. Read and respond to the following writing prompts
  2. When you’re done, please submit your work as a single document.

Looking on From a Distance

Sometimes is it easy to forget about the importance of revision, especially when you’re writing to the deadline. For our discussion this week, we read Rachel Toor’s essay, “Not My Type.” Toor doesn’t really get into the idea of allowing for time and space between drafts, but she does discuss how much better her work is when she can approach it as an outsider (Toor, 2012). Take a look at the Narrative essay you submitted in week four. Read through it and find a few things you could have done better. In at least 150 words, discuss those changes. While you can mention it, try to look deeper than any formatting or grammar issues you may have had. Look at the way you organized your essay, how you tied everything together, even at your word choice. Could you have benefitted from writing your essay in multiple drafts?

Revision Plan

Now that you’ve had the chance to reexamine your Narrative essay, take a deeper look at your Persuasive rough draft in the same way. Think about how you could have made your argument stronger, more relatable to your audience, and so on. Read through the comments from your instructor and think about how you will address those issues, but try to go even deeper. Write down your plans for revising your Persuasive essay for next week. What will you change, and how will those changes benefit the reception of your work? You should write a minimum of 150 words about how you plan to revise.

*Note that your writing will be relatively informal this week, but do make the attempt to keep it as clean as possible. After all, we are talking about revision this week . . . .

Attached is my Rough Draft


Feedback to Learner 3/30/18 8:06 PM


For the most past, this draft is extremely well done. It takes a clear arguable position and shows a good understanding of multiple arguments surrounding prostitution. There is a good effort to use sources, though more citations are needed in some areas.

However, the paper lapses into summary instead of maintaining its argument. After the introduction, it merely summarizes different points of view but does not use these points of view to support your own position. In fact, you don’t return to your position until the very end.

“I believe” is not a convincing argument; the reader cannot argue with what you believe. Your last sentence says the risks need to be “evaluated,” but this is not a position. You seem to be trying to lead the reader in your direction without taking him or her all the way there.

You started out by saying prostitution violates the moral precepts of society. This is a very good thesis. Stay with it. Show us how and why it violates the precepts. Show us how, even though proponents make convincing arguments, their arguments are flawed. Your conclusion should reaffirm your thesis.

Please see your paper for more feedback. GG

Grading Criteria

Maximum Points

Meets or exceeds established assignment criteria.

A Well-defined, Controversial Issue 5

Clear, arguable Thesis Statement 10

Two convincing reasons 8/10

Three credible sources 10

900 – 1200 words in length 5


Demonstrates an understanding of lesson concepts.

Counterargument addressed, conceded

or refuted 5/10

Outside sources cited and documented 8/10


Clearly presents well-reasoned ideas and concepts.

Examples, statistics, quotations, or other

supporting points 15

Organization is clear and easy to follow 10

3rd Person Voice where applicable 4/5


Use of proper mechanics, punctuation, sentence structure, and spelling. 7/10


Total 87/100


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